Hond on! I know what you are thinking! This guy is about to claim to be some love guru or some other ish. Not true. This particular post is not about me knowing the spiritual path for everyone. It really is about listening to my clients and reflecting on my own experiences with consensual non-monogamy and consensual SM.
In consensual non-monogamy, I have been constantly working on my attachments: my attachments to the shape (monogamous, poly, etc) of my relationships, my attachment to the type of love my lovers give me, and my attachment to who I want to be in a relationship (primary, booty call, etc.). I have even been dealing with chaos. In other words, I have little control over who my lovers become. Acceptance of that fact has reminded me that I often have little control over many aspects of my life and people in my life. At times, I have a hard time controlling me. As a result of my consensual non-monogamous relationships, I have learned let go of a lot of fear, and I have let go of what others think about me totally. For me, that is a spiritual journey. I have not found happiness, but I am coming much closer to peace, the main goal in my life.
In consensual SM, I have also learned a lot about control. I have learned that I would much rather date a women who calls herself a slut than who calls herself a lady. This may not sound like a lot to some of you, but I had to learn to how to accept me, the guy who could cum by choking you while I got someone else to fuck you really well. That guy is a surprise to me. That guy is not a nice guy all of the time. That guy is a selfish lover, who wants it how he wants and settles for little less. I don’t like the sound of that I guy. I always thought myself to be a gentleman, who is gentle with women. I am still gentle, but I learned to rewrite my story. As I look back on my life, I never wanted to be purely a gentleman, and I NEVER wanted a lady. I love sub, whores too much. They are gifts to me, and they are the only ones who get to see all of me. I become the sub in many ways because I am totally naked as a dom. I get in touch with the worst in me and accept it to understand it, to love all of me: spiritual.
I am do not recommend consensual non-monogamy or consensual SM as a spiritual path for others, yet I am suggesting that accepting your sexuality is a larger thing than just sexual acts. It is accepting the complexities of yourself, leading you to accept the complexities in others: Hallelujah!