The first time I stepped into a lifestyle club, I watched a woman who reminded me of an older school teacher walk around giving out blowjobs. That was my introduction to consensual non-monogamy. At the time, I could never imagine a lover of mine doing that. I would not want that to be a part of my relationship. Now, hmmmmm, if I watched my lover giving blowjob after blowjob, I would feel pangs of jealousy, but man, I would be turned-on. She would be getting a spanking because she was so naughty….
I evolved to such a point. I am still evolving, so are my clients who live consensual non-monogamous lives. They evolve out of consensual non-monogamous lives and/or they move further into the lifestyle, ending up where they never intended. To help me understand my clients and myself better, to not be ashamed of what I had become or angry at lovers for what they had become, I began to visualize a consensual non-monogamous life as a heroine’s or hero’s journey. In every heroic journey, the hero or heroine takes a journey, and the journey must include a time in a hellish darkness. In the darkness, the hero or heroine learns many things about self and humanity. The hero or heroine is changed but continues the journey.
Therefore, in every consensual non-monogamous relationship, I see I expect the lovers to face darkness together if they had not already. The heroine or hero is a heroine because she learns from her battles in hell. She can continue only because she has changed. Humanity has not changed in her journey. Conversely, she sees it differently because of new knowledge. She can continue. The same is true for consensual non-monogamous lovers. If they expect to live consensual non-monogamous lives, they have to learn and change in the darkness at times. Often times, our instinct tells us that we should not change. However, living requires change as does consensual non-monogamy. Experience and time brings change, whether requested or not. Too, our consensual non-monogamous lives require us to change. We, of course, should not change just for others’ whims or just for the sake of change, but as the lives of our lovers and our own lives change, new actions and reflections are necessary.
When you began your consensual non-monogamous life, you may not have wanted to see your lover perform multiple blowjobs on various men; on the other hand, if you learn and change as you journey through hell, when you come out on the other side, you may require that she perform multiple blow jobs in front of you. Now I am horny. Enjoy your consensual non-monogamous life.